blogging in the dark

I really don't want to, but turned out I can't sleep and I'm lazy to switch on my lights again. And, I don't have a freaking lamp..for one and a half semester already. Do they still remember they owe me a lamp?

I wanted to sleep early, but it just didn't work out. End up blogging in the dark. Fortunately, I'm trained to type without seeing the keyboard. WeeEee. One thing, I think my dark circles are gonna get worst.

I had a few random stuffs played in my head just now.

I feel unhappy living here. So unhappy. So sad. So no-life. Shifted to one new place, does it mean I can't have a normal life anymore? No night life (6pm - 10pm)? It's like I'm so limited to everything. Everything.

Honestly, sometimes I'm so ****ed up with the attitudes. S0metimes, I really feel like slamming my door. I tried to be patient. Sometimes, it just didn't work out quite well. However, mostly it ends peacefully.

I don't know why the hell am I here anyway. Why the hell I torture myself? I guess the reason I gave myself before isn't that valid anymore. It didn't turn out as perfect as I wished and happened the conflicts that I didn't expect to happen.

There's few things happened on me recently and I feel so terrible. Feels like staying in my room for the rest of my life. The feeling is like you got an E for your Maths and your mom punished you by not letting you have snacks for a month, then your dad came to you with a cane. And your brother laughed at you. Even I have friends, they just don't understand and wouldn't show up at the right time. And I can't go anywhere by myself at the hour where everywhere is closed. So shit.

I'm weak, emotionally. I can cry for little stuffs and situations that's not pleasant at all.

2 days ago, someone stole my Pendrive. I forgot to unplugged it out from the CPU, 5 minutes later, it's gone. I asked around, even the tutor. I cried once I stepped out of the lab. Not like it has important things inside, but it's my 3rd one. My very 3rd one! Also given by him. I just can't believe it disappear from my side again. When do I freaking learn my lesson?!

The worst part of the day is, my steamed chicken rice fell in the bus while I was going to tag my card! My dinner!! And, the driver had to sweep the floor before it depart. I was thinking why the hell it happened on me. It just sucks terribly.

For that half day, I didn't eat anything. I was starving till I wanna cry. But I beared it till I had to cook my own dinner. I've grown up. Not the girl that cries when she doesn't have food in front of her anymore. Because I'm without him now.